It ain't easy being a Polygamist

There is an epidemic sweeping across America...or atleast Utah. Polygamy is a form of marriage in which a person has more than one spouse at the same time, as opposed to monogamy in which a person has only one spouse at a time. Typically in polygamist marriages, the man usually has multiple wives. I can't imagine living with more than one wife. I've lived without one for about 22 years and counting, but the idea just confuses me why any man would ever do that.

The reason I bring this up is because recently I was watching a show on TV called Sister Wives. It follows around a guy named Kody Brown who has three wives...scratch that. He just married his fourth wife, Robyn. As I was watching this show with my lovely girlfriend (that is singular, not plural), I began to wonder...Could I ever thrive in the plurality lifestyle? The answer came very very quickly. Yes. Just playing! Of course I could not live in a polygamist marriage. But then I began to think of reasons why plurality is not for me. I was able to quickly think of 5 reasons. And just remember that this is in no way a comprehensive list. Just something to start with.

5 Reasons Why Polygamy Ain't for Me

(For the sake of this list lets say I'm married to Rachel McAdams, Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson, and Anna Kornikova)

1) Lets say I'm hanging out with Rachel one night. Jennifer, Scarlett, and Anna will all become jealous because I'm with Rachel. This jealousy does not foster healthy relationships. Of course, all 4 ladies want to be with me, but scientists have not perfected cloning yet. So jealousy is sure to ensue during the marriage(s).

2) As stated in reason #1, one of my wives would get jealous, and they would ask me to send one of my other better halves (or better fifths) away. For example, pretend Jennifer bears me 3 children and Scarlett only has one child with me. My relationship with Scarlett is a lot better than the one I have with Jennifer, so Scarlett secretly asks me to get rid of Jennifer because she is just so jealous that she can give birth to more children. This would be a major dilemma for me and would not be kosher. (this example is not far fetched by the way...its biblical. Check out Genesis 16)

3) There is a saying that goes like this, "Hell hath no furry than a woman scorn." Basically, when a woman is mad...she is really mad! I cannot imagine having 4 women mad at me at the same time.

4) Its against the law. Instead of having 4 wives, in prison I'd have four....ah...nevermind.

5) I would always mix up my wives' names. When talking to Rachel, I would call her Anna. Then once again, reason number one would occur.


I know all of this far fetched, but I feel like its important to know why you believe something is right or wrong. I've tried to lay out my reasons. What are some reasons you would or would not be a polygamist? This is something every person is going to struggle with during some point in their life, so I just thought I'd help to get the ball rolling.